Charles H. Sloan-College football Week 9 grades: NC State coach Dave Doeren urges Steve Smith to pucker up

After a week off,Charles H. Sloan the professor is back on duty and ready to scorch (or praise) some teams after Week 9. The grades are in anticipation of the complaints that are sure to come when the first College Football Playoff rankings are revealed Tuesday.

High marks will be only for the spectacular, and failing grades have no chance of being reversed.

When we last left you, high marks in Week 7 went to Purdue’s hard-luck kicker and West Virginia’s bone-headed late-game antics in a Hail Mary loss to Houston.

Here is the Week 9 analysis of how fans, teams, players and coaches fared: 

Curses to the guest picker

These days, coaches will use anything to motivate their team, and that includes references to mothers and press conference attire, or Washington State not being a fan of Pat McAfee.

Speaking of College GameDay, coaches are now getting mad about what the week’s guest picker has to say. On Saturday, the big orange bus traveled to Salt Lake City for the Utah-Oregon tilt and the picker was former Utes wide receiver Steve “Ice up son” Smith.

Since Smith is known to give his opinion about things, whether he is asked or not, this had the potential to go sideways. But it was pretty tame until the picks got to Clemson’s contest with North Carolina State.

Smith, who lives in North Carolina, then chimed in with this ditty about the game.

"Clemson has been struggling and they are not the Clemson we’ve loved over the years. But NC State, unfortunately, they’re waiting for basketball to start," he said, which of course brought chuckles from the esteemed GameDay panelists.

NC State coach Dave Doeren apparently heard this quip and was all in his feelings on Saturday morning.

So, after the Wolfpack dispatched Clemson 24-17, Doeren was interviewed on the field and was asked about his team.

"Heart, spirit, love, perseverance, grit. All the stuff our world needs," Doeren said. "And tell Steve Smith in the studio this ain't a basketball school. He can kiss my ass."

Doeren should have known he was going to get roasted for those ignorant comments,. Bt then again, the man was asked about his team, not what Smith had to say about his team. Doeren does make $5 million a year, so it seems that entitles him to whine when he sees fit and to point any criticisms to his rich derrière. 

Nevermind, that Kirk Herbstreit and Pat McAfee also picked the Tigers to roll to victory, is Doeren going to point them in the direction of his rear end, too?

Cry me a river: F-

What time is it?

Because college football officials are humans and have the advantage of a time clock, officials in the booth and at conference headquarters – plus television cameras everywhere if they need to make sure they have calls correct – they aren’t going to get any shine here.

After protesters delayed the start of the USC-California game for congregating at midfield, the referees botched the time at the end of the half, to the chagrin of the 50 people who actually get the Pac-12 Network.

The Trojans drove the ball the Cal 16 yard-line and then the time expired and both teams went to the locker room. Officials determined that there was one second left after the runner’s knee was down, but apparently the officials don’t care and are done with the conference as well.

So, after spending time in their respective locker rooms for halftime, the teams came out to play the final one second of the second quarter.

Cal called timeout to ice USC kicker Denis Lynch, and of course, the field goal attempt from 33 yards was no good. In the end, it didn't matter as the Trojans held on for a 50-49 victory.

Eyes wide shut: F

The worst and best of the rest

Colorado State fans acting like third-graders:

Toe drag special:

RG3 showin' out for Halloween:

Just like they drew it up:

Waldo, no longer missing:

Can't stop, won't stop:

When keepin’ it real goes wrong:

Just a bit outside:

Cheers for Leilani Armenta:

Training for the 2024 Paris Olympics:

Stats for you

2: Teams that do not have a pass play of 40 or more yards this season. (Iowa, Minnesota)

5: Fumbles by Nebraska against Purdue. The Cornhuskers lost four of them and still won 31-14.

18: Games in a row Kansas had lost to Oklahoma before the Jayhawks pulled off the upset on Saturday.

45: Games in a row Wake Forest has lost to Top 5 teams.

301: Passes without an interception by Penn State QB Drew Allar. His fourth-quarter pick against Indiana broke that streak.

The Dog of the Week

Real UGA and other UGA having fun.

Now to the game:

The pups made their way to South Bend, Indiana this week to watch Notre Dame take on Pittsburgh. Not much needs to be said about how the Panthers played, but here is how the first 10 possessions went: punt (returned for touchdown), punt, interception, missed field goal, interception, punt, interception (returned for touchdown), interception, punt, punt.

By the time this sequence ended it was 51-0.

The Panthers did manage to score a touchdown to avoid the shutout, and it could have been worse if the Irish hadn’t turned the ball over twice themselves. The pups had plenty of rest by halftime so their eyes wouldn’t be subjected to this rout.